


i said i won't get too close (but i can't stop it)

by PensamientosOscuros



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: AU - Actress/Assistant, F/F, misunderstandings & pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22471642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PensamientosOscuros/pseuds/PensamientosOscuros
Summary: Life is hard enough for a struggling actress, so why is Sooyoung making things even harder for herself?Or,Sooyoung doesn't understand her emotions, and Wendy just wants to do her job.
Relationships: Park Sooyoung | Joy/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 83





	i said i won't get too close (but i can't stop it)

Putting name to an emotion is an art, the highest form of self awareness in the human brain, the ability to recognize the effect electromagnetic impulses have on a person. 

Sooyoung had never been the best at it, until she finally got a role, and her life changed.

With it came the excited phone calls, shakily telling her mom she got into a big production, laughing at her dad’s screams of joy, scoffing between her tears when Yerim told her she was  _ finally  _ going to make good money to spoil her as a big sister should. 

But it also brought stress.

Seulgi was just as new in the business as she was, her partner in crime since college, where they decided Sooyoung’s degree in performing arts and Seulgi’s masters in international relations could pair up nicely for the both of them. The older girl became her manager then, and had been naturally able to shoulder the weight of her responsibilities for the two years the duo spent scouring Seoul for roles, appearing briefly in shows only her parents ever got to know about.

This big opportunity meant more hours, more schedules, more traveling - all things that she couldn’t do alone, and Seulgi could not always help with. The older girl took it upon herself to find the solution, which came in the form of an email from the producer of the movie, recommending she get an assistant after an admittedly easily-preventable, borderline pathetic incident involving a golf caddy, coffee, and sleep deprivation.

Her first employee. 

She was understandably nervous at the idea. While she shared all her waking hours with Seulgi - who not only took the title of manager but best friend as well -, she couldn’t help doubting whether she’d be able to open up to someone else like that - to a  _ stranger.  _ It felt daunting in a completely different way than sharing a few kisses on camera with a co-star did. The fact that she loathed being treated like she couldn’t fend for herself childishly floated through the crevices of her mind, too; the idea of having to rely on someone other than Seulgi or herself just made her uneasy.

Still, she didn’t think much about it, delegating her troubles to a willing Seulgi, who worked with surprising precision under the pressure of higher-ups and time restrictions.

“I have someone,” she said one afternoon, just a few days before Sooyoung was due to start shooting, plopping down onto their sofa where Sooyoung was sitting comfortably with the script on her lap, nursing a warm mug of coffee as she memorized pages upon pages of faintly connected dialogue. “Graduated in business a year after me, top of her class. I saw her around a couple times; apparently she’s been working in Canada for the past two years and decided to come back. Something about family issues, I don’t remember. But look, her resume is impeccable,” she offered Sooyoung her tablet, where she could see numerous accomplishments, one placed after the other like a catalog above a list of at least four different languages. 

Sooyoung read everything, her eyebrows pinching with every new line.

“Are you sure she’s up for an assistant position? She could very well be a CFO with these qualifications.” She intended for it to be a joke, but she couldn’t help the uncomfortable pressure in her throat. She was a nobody in the industry; anywhere, really. Was she really worthy of having someone as prepared as that woman dedicated to every aspect of her life? Wasn’t she being presumptuous?

“Yeah, it’s weird,” Seulgi conceded to herself, oddly pensive, before speaking up again. “But she did reach out personally, so it’s safe to assume she knows we’re not offering a corporate job. We can have an interview with her, if you want? Get a feel for her, see if you click. Maybe it’ll help you decide.”

She agreed to it. After all, they had an open position, and it just so happened that someone overqualified applied for it. There had to be worse things in the world, Sooyoung reasoned. 

\--

_ She is small _ , was the first thing Sooyoung noticed as she walked into the café.  _ She’s small, and her smile is too nice _ . It reminded her a little bit of Seulgi, but unfortunately for the newcomer Seulgi was one of a kind, popularly so. Whoever this girl was, she’d have to work on a different façade. 

Her eyes twinkled under the lights of the café they were sitting in when she spotted them, her short hair framing her face delicately, her cheeks aching to hide her eyes with every grin. 

Pretty. 

Seulgi went to her first, hugging her tightly to Sooyoung’s surprise. Didn’t she say they barely knew each other? Before she knew it, both girls turned to her, and Seulgi introduced Sooyoung to her, smiling excitedly like a kid making her two best friends get along. 

“It’s lovely to meet you, Sooyoung-ssi,” the woman said with a bow that the actress reciprocated right away. “I’ve seen so much of you everywhere!”

Too enthusiastic, Sooyoung decided as she smiled at the woman.

“Oh, thank you so much, Seungwan-ssi. The pleasure is all mine,” she said, trying to match the glee of the other two participants of the conversation. “Your qualifications are insane, especially that job as an interpreter in SM entertainment in Canada. I’ve heard it’s not easy to get in.”  _ Let her know you’ve done your research, check. _

“Ah, thank you! Now at least I’ve got a foot in the door. I saw the chance and I took it, but it was honestly just luck and timing.” Sooyoung didn’t know how to feel about how humbly she acted. Then, in a shyer tone, “And please, you can call me Wendy.”

“I didn’t know you didn’t go by your Korean name anymore,” Seulgi remarked, sitting down and gesturing for the other two to do so as well.

“Long story,” was all Wendy offered with a smile, and that was enough for Sooyoung.

The interview went well, shockingly so. The woman was organized, particularly capable of managing both schedules and personal needs according to her previous experience, and she added seamlessly to the conversation, as if she was one more member of their duo - she did seem slightly more subdued when acknowledging the actress, but Sooyoung figured nerves were a logical explanation behind it. 

A day later, they hired her. Sooyoung was jittery and frowny for reasons that she couldn’t place, but Seulgi’s enthusiasm was contagious - why she was so into the idea of Wendy for the position, she didn’t ask. And so, she joined their little team.

Sooyoung and Seulgi. And now Wendy.

\--

Her voice was slightly too grating in the morning, just as she suspected.

“Good morning Seulgi unnie!” She heard from her bedroom, followed by Seulgi’s equally loud greeting. The manager’s overflowing fervor had somehow been successfully mellowed out by Sooyoung’s quieter nature, and she mourned with a sigh the last remnants of peaceful mornings humming out _yesses_ or _noes_ to her friend instead of forming proper sentences and making an effort to appear marginally social.

She stretched along the hallway leading to the now occupied kitchen, where the semi-stranger was animatedly relaying a story to an attentive Seulgi who seemed completely immersed in whatever she was saying, disregarding just how fast and out of place Sooyoung found the sound of her voice.

“Morning,” she grumbled out, making the newcomer turn to her with a smile.

“Good morning, Sooyoung-ssi,” she greeted her, excessively kindly, suddenly tamed down, “I hope you slept well. We have a packed schedule today.”

_ I know _ , she almost said back, but just then Seulgi slid her a mug of steaming hot coffee like a peace offering. She picked it up gratefully, smiling tightly at Wendy to acknowledge her words before taking a sip of the scorching beverage, which -  _ ouch.  _ Bad idea.

_ That’s karma,  _ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Yerim’s whispered inside her head as she tried to regain the functionality of her taste buds.

She didn’t miss how the conversation dwindled down after her appearance, somehow attesting to how comfortable Wendy was with Seulgi already - and only her.

“She’s not a morning person,” Seulgi offered as an explanation. “You’ll get used to it, or she’ll kick us both out of here. Whichever happens first.”

Sooyoung hated how Wendy’s smile wavered.

\--

If Sooyoung had to be sincere and face her own demons, she’d confess that, at first, she wanted to dislike her - and, well, she kind of  _ did _ .

Sometimes, she’d “forget” to order food for Wendy during the endless evenings the three of them spent holed up in the shared apartment, claiming muscle memory was to blame after the assistant came back from the bathroom and Seulgi ended a phone call.

(Seulgi elbowed her the second time it happened, and graciously offered to call the pizza place again after directing the very first withering glare Sooyung had ever seen from her to the actress.

Sooyoung didn’t feel bad.

After the second call, Wendy kindly insisted that she didn’t mind, and that she should’ve written her order down so Sooyoung wouldn’t forget.

Sooyoung felt a little bit bad then.)

Other times, she would make the list of errands Wendy ought to run a bit longer than appropriate, remorselessly adding a random sweet or a new type of salad she’d like to try from the produce store down the street that she was 'too busy' to go get herself.

Of course, Wendy complied with a different variation of a text saying ‘Got it!’, and then Sooyoung had to sit in her apartment and think about how she was making a poor, unsuspecting woman dying to do her best bustle around the neighborhood like a crazy person. 

She’d smile at Wendy to alleviate her conscience when she walked into the apartment, her ever present grin as annoyingly attractive as always as she dropped off Sooyoung’s selected items and proceeded to lay out whatever was relevant for the day. 

She did everything impeccably.

Seulgi seemed to love it. Sooyoung found it off-putting.

As she started shooting, Sooyoung saw her time decreasing considerably. Sometimes she wouldn’t get home until after midnight, only to be on set again before the sun rose. They were on a tight schedule, this much she knew, and she made sure to appear unaffected by it - in a certain way, she was. 

Physical exhaustion didn’t weigh her down as much when her mom would ramble in her ear about how the neighbors would regularly ask her about their Sooyoungie, when Yerim would send her random tweets praising the rising star adding nothing but an emoji - which was the highest form of praise she would get from her sister - and even when she walked on set in the morning and bowed to whichever weary staff members greeted her.

She had waited for her big break for years, and now that she got it, she wasn’t going to waste it for a few weeks of lost sleep. 

The bags under her eyes were viciously covered by too-expensive makeup, her voice forcibly chipper for hours on end, making sure she wouldn’t accidentally snap at anyone or say the wrong thing during on-set interviews. The food intake had been carefully lowered, too, and although she had dieted many times before, it was proving to be a challenge to keep going at such an exhausting pace, from set to set to interviews to shoots to signings to production.

All in all, the job was just as demanding as she had expected, and to her utter dismay, she had to admit that the only reason why she managed to push forward through the days melting together was Wendy’s unfailing observation. 

Every morning, as Seulgi drove them to set, she’d sit by Sooyoung, running her schedule by her after providing a hot coffee for both her and Seulgi, straight from the café near where they picked her up. They didn’t have much time to spare in the mornings anymore, so their lively talks in Sooyoung’s and Seulgi’s kitchen had turned into quiet words exchanged inside the car, when it was clear that Sooyoung wouldn’t stand for anything else.

Still, she wasn’t an  _ animal,  _ so Sooyoung thanked Wendy quietly for the perfectly brewed coffee and listened to her voice, softer than usual - less aggravating the more caffeine she ingested - relaying the most important details of the day.

Then, as Seulgi drove off to take care of deals and agreements and whichever paperwork Sooyoung didn’t want to hear about, Wendy would stay with her, meals pre-planned, breaks scheduled, water bottles and blankets at the ready - never making conversation if she didn’t have to. Now, this is where she felt like she was a kid again, being watched over by an adult who tried to act like they didn’t really distrust her, but who would survey her every move like she would fall and bring everything around her crashing down at any moment, always measuring their words as to not upset her. 

Logically, she knew that wasn’t the case. Wendy, too sweet, too kind Wendy, was just doing what she was paid to do: stay on top of Sooyoung’s needs, keep her up to date on every detail concerning her schedules, letting her know when she’d be receiving changes on the script, when she’d have to be ready for hair and make-up, and a long list of small things that came together to piece Sooyoung’s day together. 

She’d mostly stay close, her tiny frame barely visible between dozens of workers who paraded around set at any given time, bigger and bulkier and louder than her. And yet, Sooyoung would always spot her right away, eyes almost rolling into the back of her head at how seriously she took her job.

It baffled her, how a woman who graduated top of her class in one of Seoul’s most prestigious universities, who spoke four different languages and worked in two different countries just  _ because,  _ was there, keeping watch on her. It felt humiliating half the time, infuriating the other half.

However, to Sooyoung’s credit, she  _ was  _ a professional, and it not only meant putting on a smile for other people to enjoy for hours on end - it also entailed locking her childish afflictions away, and treating Wendy just like any other coworker (most of the time).

“Are you feeling okay?” Wendy would ask her after the sun would start simmering in the horizon, the potent set lights coming to play on the concrete where they’d go between sets, where the trailers awaited patiently for their occupants to need them again. By that time, Sooyoung would have already gone through the same four scenes dozens of times with varying tones of emotion but the same level of dedication warranted by the deep-sheathed, inexorable fear of not being good enough, of not making it.

Sooyoung would say yes, of course, and as an afterthought she’d ask Wendy as she accepted her water bottle, “how are you doing? Is it boring?”, knowing that it was not. She recalled seeing her mingling seamlessly with everyone on set, from the assistant director to the old lady cleaning up at the end of the day; drawing smiles out of everyone even though she never strayed from her position within Sooyoung’s reach, even though she would never do the same with Sooyoung. Still, it was the polite thing to ask.

The woman’s smile would widen at the simple question, and it made Sooyoung’s eyes flutter down to pink lips for a second.

“No, it’s actually quite entertaining. The people here are so nice.” 

Her untiring positivity did not always rub Sooyoung the wrong way, she learned, as she smiled back at the shorter woman.

\--

They were in her trailer one day fresh from shooting, make-up still on and lines ringing around in Sooyoung’s head like a song after tireless repetition and delivery. Seulgi had come to have lunch with them at some point during the morning, which made Sooyoung smile with a little bit of twisted satisfaction at the brief panic that crossed Wendy’s face at the idea of changing around the timeline she so carefully crafted for Sooyoung.

“They’re already offering you auditions for summer projects,” Seulgi opened up the conversation after her usual earnest greetings, giddy as she unwrapped her takeout on the coffee table between them, “and you might not be the biggest name out there right now, but after the movie is released and all your shoots get published? It’ll be the smoothest ride to the top. This is just from seeing your name in the cast, imagine after everyone sees you in action! Mr. Lee has contacted a couple big magazines for a cover shoot before the release date. I cannot legally say any names yet,” Seulgi said, uncharacteristically serious. Then, she looked around in an exaggerated act of distrust, and huddled close to the other two women. “But  _ Dazed  _ might be in there, who knows,” she whispered conspiratorially, making Sooyoung crack up, Wendy almost choking on her own wrap. Sooyoung placed her hand on top of Seulgi’s in a silent act of gratefulness; it was undeniably nice to hear Seulgi being so optimistic about her future.

“That’s great!” The assistant affirmed after managing to swallow her food. “This is really just getting the ball rolling; that is always the hardest step. But you’ve got the talent and the drive for it, Sooyoung-ssi, I really believe it.” Then, she turned to Seulgi and added, “And you’ve got the right people around you to achieve whatever you want.”

“Thank you,” Sooyoung replied, curiously regarding her best friend, who seemed unable to look away from Wendy. Sure, the woman was sweet, but Seulgi’s blessing - or  _ curse  _ \- was always being appreciated in all ways, by everyone who got lucky enough to meet her, no matter how briefly. She watched as the manager toyed with her chopsticks subconsciously, smile stubbornly in place, and felt something hollow in her stomach when Wendy mirrored the expression, looking down at her food.

Sooyoung didn’t like feeling left out.

\--

Yerim sent her a screenshot from Twitter a few days later.

It was early morning, too early for anyone to reasonably expect her to make conversation beyond a few polite interactions and kind gestures. Her usual hairstylist worked on her hair for the first scene of the day, something simple that luckily required little time. The room was too bright for Sooyoung’s sleep-swollen eyes, light coming from all directions, accentuating the already prominent bags under her eyes. 

She would’ve killed for a nice 7:30AM nap; to make matters worse she had already finished her coffee, and-

“Do you want a refill?” Looking through the mirror, Sooyoung saw Wendy pointing towards her now empty styrofoam cup from where she was perched on the small couch occupying the back wall, curled in on herself like a cat, warm in her big sweater and jeans. Somehow, she could always sense when Sooyoung was about to be tipped off by something. 

She resented how easy to read she was.

“No, it’s fine,” was all she said, forcing herself to smile. “Thank you,” she added as an afterthought.

Just then, her phone lit up with her sister’s name. She wondered what the usually heavy sleeper was doing up so early on a Tuesday morning, before remembering college classes had no mercy on anyone.

**From: Yerimmie:** whos this??

**From: Yerimmie:** wheres seulgi unnie?

Sooyoung frowned, opening the chat. There, she was met with a tweet that showed a couple of candid pictures of her on set, trailed by a dutiful Wendy, water bottle in hand and clearly concentrating on her phone as Sooyoung airily walked ahead. Smiling a little, the actress zoomed in the picture, amused. Had Wendy always been so short?

**To: Yerimmie:** that’s the assistant I told you about

**To: Yerimmie:** Seulgi unnie is doing her job right now...not everyone can leech off their gorgeous, famous older sister

**To: Yerimmie:** are you stalking me now? Creep

Wendy said something she didn’t hear from the couch behind them, resulting in a chortle from the woman working on her hair. Again, that feeling. 

It’s not that Sooyoung was rude or cold - she tried to be as accommodating as possible, with a very notorious, recent exception - but, well, to put it simply, she was  _ shy _ . She had been a quiet kid, an even quieter teenager, and she was sad to learn that being thrusted upon adulthood not always smoothed out all the kinks and insecurities lingering under one’s skin. 

She tried not to give much thought to the persistent hunch that told her she resented Wendy for being good at everything she was not.

**From: Yerimmie:** LMFAOOOOO the day my sister gets me the fenty moroccan spice palette i’ll believe that

**From: Yerimmie:** what’s your assistant’s name tho? she’s cute

**To: Yerimmie:** shut up and go paint a tree or whatever they have you do in college

She exited the chat with a huff. 

“Here.” 

She looked up, surprised to find Wendy there, the styrofoam cup once again filled to the brim with steaming hot coffee in her outstretched hand.

“You shouldn’t have,” was all Sooyoung managed to utter as she took the cup. 

Wendy shrugged, a playful smile on her lips. “You looked like you needed it. I’m just doing my job.”

There was something about her. 

As Sooyoung drew the rim of the cup up to her lips, she allowed her eyes to drift back to the woman, who was once again immersed in whatever information her phone provided. What was so special about her? Why did people like her so much, and why did Sooyoung find it so hard to share their opinion?

“You’re really short.”

The assistant looked up, frowning.

“Pardon?”

“I said you’re really short.” Sooyoung didn’t know where it was coming from, this need to get a reaction out of the ceaselessly positive woman, but the pull was too strong to ignore, so she didn’t. With curious eyes she regarded her through the mirror, awaiting.

Wendy’s brow, slightly pinched, didn’t relax.

“Maybe I’m not that short, and you’re the giant here. Have you considered that?”

It was like a bolder had been lifted off Sooyoung’s chest. Finally, a genuine, not overly-polite reply. A slip in her boundless, infinite patience.

The actress smiled, pleased.

“I’m pretty sure that you didn’t grow past the tenth grade. Am I wrong?”

It was actually humorous to see the emotions fleet across her expressive face at the speed of lightning. Finally, she settled on a smile, a new glint in her eye making Sooyoung’s stomach twist pleasantly.

“I was the tallest person in the fifth grade, so I’d watch my mouth if I was you.”

“I knew you’d be one of those.”

“‘ _ One of those’ _ ?”

“‘ _ I was the tallest person in the fifth grade’.”  _

Wendy stopped, observing, assessing the situation. Amused.

“Be careful, Sooyoung-ssi. You wouldn’t want to anger the person in charge of your coffee. That’s a lot of power for a woman  _ oh so short. _ ”

The cackle that elicited earned her a reprimand from the hairstylist. She apologized, catching Wendy’s smug face through the reflection, clearly knowing she won this round.

Sooyoung sipped her coffee, spirits higher than they had been mere minutes before.

_ Well _ , she thought to herself,  _ so this is the real her. _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to wenjoy warrior #1 and emotional support grape lady for helping with this!
> 
> as always, come on twitter and scream about red velvet with me @jiwendys


End file.
